Loving communication is a relevant topic in my work lately. Or shall I say, conflict is relevant, and the desire to be loving can be found beneath the layers. When you want to communicate your point and be heard by your partner you must first get crystal clear on why your point is important to you. Sometimes, you are just irritated and you can allow those feelings to pass without taking actions. Other times, what matters most to you feels threatened and the difficult conversation is worth having.
Step 1.
Calm yourself down. You are responsible for your emotions! It’s not THEM, it’s YOU! They are not pushing your buttons. You are in control of your emotions and this is empowering. Calm and center yourself by taking stock of your emotions, your physical sensations, and your thought distortions all before engaging in an important dialogue. Then, take a moment to imagine the outcome you would like to experience. What does this outcome look and feel like? Can you begin to feel the way you want to feel when this obstacle is removed?
Step 2.
Be Mindful. When you are present in the moment, and not stuck in your triggered emotions, you can be attentive to both your own emotions and theirs. You can reflect without judgment and allow your humanness to shine through. Lean into your centered calmness and act from this very moment in time with clarity and conciseness. Express the feelings that you own by using "I" statements. "I" statements steer you clear of blaming them for your feelings. This can be tricky and again, you must be mindful of your word choices.
Step 3.
Be proactive. A wait and see approach is not often successful, because while waiting a toxic amount of resentment can build up. Your unexpressed emotions will build a fortress that keeps you from being close to your partner. Gather your courage. Be brave, get clear and communicate. Tend to your relationship with active care.
Would you like more support in how to communicate with love either at home or at work? Reach out and let me know.
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